Official Blog: April 2025

Wednesday, April 30, 2025

Yesterday I rode my bicycle 10 miles. I went to attend a program at a library on the other side of the town across the river from my community. I found out it had been postponed when I arrived. I went to T-mobile for the free tote and Kroger to buy yogurt and other items.

I also went to a wing place for a deal on a chicken strip meal.

I'm planning on going to a free lunch today. I'm also planning to go to CVS, Food Lion and Burger King.

Faith is belief despite doubt. I believe. What I believe is not what I grew up hearing. I'm not interested in sitting in a building once a week.

I hope that things will get better soon...

https://gofund.me/a690d645

Tuesday, April 29, 2025

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-an-autistic-transnonbinary-individual

Tuesday.

I'm considering going somewhere today. I need to figure out where I'm going and when I'm leaving.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-an-autistic-transnonbinary-individual

I haven't been anywhere for the past few days. It's almost the end of April.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-an-autistic-transnonbinary-individual

I'm not certain about anything. I need to figure things out. There's things I want to do.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-an-autistic-transnonbinary-individual

I want my first boyfriend. I've had sex but I've never had a boyfriend.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-an-autistic-transnonbinary-individual

I have more plans for this week. I hope that things will improve soon...

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-an-autistic-transnonbinary-individual

Monday, April 28, 2025

https://gofund.me/a7aaada1

Monday again.

I hope to get more done today.

I'm not religious if religious means going to a building once a week

and sitting in a room while an old man uses a falsely interpreted book to tell you

how to live your life.

I have plans for the rest of this week.

I recall the times I've been with old men.

It was easy once I came across them online. I don't remember the exact process

Of finding them but I vividly remember

Being with them.

I would sit there as my dick was in their mouth.

I would focus on the images in my mind.

Images of guys my age.

Sometimes I would open my eyes and glance down.

I would watch his head move up and down.

I've met old men online who I had already met IRL.

It's weird being somewhere and seeing an old man who has sucked my cock before in a place

where the other people have no idea

that this man had drove me to his house.

They had no idea that the old man sitting beside me

was on his knees in front of me those times.

I'd wear swim trunksmostofthetimeso it would be easier to pull down.

i met him a few times.

it was always strange being with him knowing that this man was the same man who sat next to me

a few years ago in the same building I was seeing him again.

It was always weird afterwards. The awkward small talk.

A man with children my age.

I've had encounters with old men that were stranger. One time being in a public restroom.

It was a bigger room for it being a restroom.

He was in front of me.

My penis in his mouth.

I couldn't focus because of all of the people coming in and out of the room.

i no longer meet with old men.

i want to find my first boyfriend. I don't know if that is something that I will ever have.

A first career is another thing that I don't believe I'll ever have.

I'm uncertain about what to do today and what to do in general. I'm trying to figure things out

While doubting myself being able to do anything.

i plan to continue to include the link to my fundraiser. I hope that I'm wrong about there being no one out there

who cares about me enough to help me.

it's early. I've completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I woke up around 5

And started my sweepstakes and instant win games. I feel like going to sleep.

https://gofund.me/a7aaada1

Sunday, April 27, 2025

Sunday. I'm feeling somewhat better today than yesterday. I woke up early and completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I've been watching a show on Hulu. I'm considering what else I'll do today.

I have plans for this week.

I stared a Gofundme. This will be my test of religion and nonprofit organizations. If I'm helped by organizations and people then I'll remember it. If it's not funded then I'll know the truth about religion and more. I'm losing interest in religion and groups claiming to help people. If it's not funded I will never contribute to any religion or nonprofit. I will never volunteer for anything. I've seen how some organizations are from past experiences.

https://gofund.me/a7aaada1

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough.

I've been made to feel like I'm not good enough all of my life...

Saturday, April 26, 2025

Saturday morning. I had a late start this morning. I just ate my breakfast. I'm catching up on streaming shows as I complete my daily routine.

I started a fundraiser last night but I doubt I will raise anything. The link to my fundraiser is: https://gofund.me/a7aaada1

FUNDRAISER

I'm doing my daily podcast again on Swell.

I'm not feeling like doing much today....

Friday, April 25, 2025

Friday.

I'm in the process of going through my stuff. My goal is to downsize and organize. I'm preparing for when I'll have to move. I don't know where I'll move because as of this day I don't have anywhere to go.

I'm trying to figure out how to earn an income. I've been applying to job openings. I'm considering other options since I doubt anyone will hire me.

I'm attending the D&D game night at the library in my community this evening. I hope that the weather will be nice.

I'm planning on working on downsizing and organizing my stuff for the few days.

I'm trying to be optimistic but it's not easy considering my situation.

Thursday, April 24, 2025

Thursday. I've eaten breakfast and have completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I'm considering what I'm doing today. I need to go through my stuff as though I'm moving because I need to be ready for when the time comes.

I am attending the D&D program at the library in my community tomorrow evening.

I'm alone and anxious. I'm uncertain of what to do.

I have ideas but I don't have the resources to accomplish anything. I don't know how to get things done.

I would like to travel. I like the idea of buying a large Uhaul truck and a small towable camper. I would utilize the Uhaul for storage and live in the camper. I would not move often but every so often. I could travel the country and visit people I've met in my life.

I would love to have the above and a remote job. I could do photography and video as I travel. I could work on my writing. I could find places to do stand-up comedy. I would buy an electric bike with a cart to tow behind the bike for grocery shopping.

I know what I'd do if I had the resources. I don't know how to obtain those things.

Does anyone read my blog? Please share my blog if you read it.

I'm uncertain how to define my religion. I'm uncertain of what I'd label it. Maybe I don't want to label it but I don't want any confusion about the fact that I'm not interested certain labels.

I want to find my first boyfriend but I doubt I will ever have a boyfriend. The same goes for my first career.

I need help but I'm not great at asking for help...

Wednesday, April 23, 2025

Wednesday.

I attended the Disability craft program yesterday evening. I don't have plans until Friday. I'm considering what I'll do the next few days.

I had an idea. If I could get the biggest Uhaul type truck and a small towable camper then I would have a place to live and a place to keep my stuff. I don't know how I would buy them or remodel the truck to be storage and my clothes closet. If I had this I could travel the country.

I'm uncertain of what to do. I have ideas but no way to make these ideas more than ideas.

I need help but I don't know where to go for the help I need.

Friday is the D&D program at the library in my community. I hope that the weather will be nice...

Tuesday, April 22, 2025

Tuesday morning. I'm eating breakfast.

I've looked back at my blog posts before and I can see a pattern. I've been dreaming of a better life while being unable to achieve these dreams.

I'm uncertain about this evening. I'm planning to attend the Disability program at the center but there's a chance of rain.

I plan to attend the D&D program at the library in my community on Friday.

I feel unwanted. I don't feel attractive. I wonder if there's a boy out there who could find me attractive. I want my first boyfriend.

I am Trans-Nonbinary. I have a penis. I've been asked if I have a penis when telling someone I'm nonbinary.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm lonely and I'm ready to start my life...

I often wonder about the people I've met over the years and I wonder where they are now. I'm always saddened to hear about the death of someone I've met especially those people that meant so much to me.

I imagine my life if my life had been different. I imagine having a boyfriend in school and going with him to prom. I imagine my wedding and my first career. I imagine having a home.

Will I ever have a life? Will I ever have my first boyfriend and my first career?

Monday, April 21, 2025

Monday.

I went after breakfast this morning. I kept waking up last night. I'm anxious about everything. I want to do so much and I want to do nothing at the same time. I'm avoiding things. I've always avoided things.

This morning I found out that someone I once knew died several years ago. It's strange this weight of missing someone. I've always met people who I automatically wanted to be around. This attraction is not a sexual attraction but something more meaningful. I don't know how it works. I don't know why the people I clinge to are the people that I want to be around...

I do know now that my connection with certain people is from me being Autistic.

I'm not good at communicating with people. I don't randomly message people too often. There have been people who I wish I had talked to more. There's people that I wish I could spend time with again. Some of these people are now dead.

I hate being alone most of the time. I do need my time to myself but I do need to be around people who I feel that deeper connection with...

The chain on my bicycle came off this morning. I'm hopeful about someone fixing it today.

Tomorrow evening I'm planning to attend the disability program at the center on the other side of the town across the river from my community.

Friday is the D&D program at the library in my community.

I'm trying to work on my writing and photography and video. I want to do so much but I don't have the energy or motivation to do much of anything...

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Sunday, April 20, 2025 (Happy Easter)

Happy Easter!

It's early Sunday morning and I'm in bed thinking about things. I had some dreams but I don't recall what I dreamt now. I'm thinking back over the years. I remember the various times of my life.

I don't think anyone would want to hear the story of my life. I don't know if anyone would believe all of things that have been a part of my life.

Those years spent being religious. Wasted.

I recall seconds in time. It's strange looking back. I would have done things differently.

I sometimes wonder why I did certain things. I guess I've gone with the flow of things. I just waited for the next thing to occur.

I remember the times I'd sit and an old man's mouth would be on my cock. I was almost always somewhere else in my mind as they sucked my dick. I wanted it so much leading up to when he would place his lips around my tip. I was in the moment as his mouth was filled with my penis. I would feel a rush as I climaxed into him. I would regret afterwards. I would regret allowing an old man to suck me.

I recall times I enjoyed. Kissing guys I found attractive. A few times having a different guy's dick in my mouth or inside of me. I miss having sex with guys my age. I have not been with a guy who I was attracted to since California.

I'm uncertain about what I'm doing and what I will do...

I have so much regret. I have memories of moments in time I would live again if I could. I can see myself in those moments.

I'm lonely. I'm anxious. Life is going to change for me soon. I don't know how I will react to the changes coming...

Saturday, April 19, 2025

My plans for today have changed. The Queer Game Night was canceled. I need to decide what to do today.

I keep thinking about having my first boyfriend. I wonder what it would be like to have a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend.

I'm considering going somewhere tomorrow morning.

This morning I was thinking about how my dick looks different based on my mood. The size and shape of my cock varies from day to day. It's small when I'm not aroused. It's longer when I'm very aroused.

I don't know what I'm next week aside from the possibility of going somewhere tomorrow morning...

Friday, April 18, 2025

Originally I had planned to go to 2 places this evening but now I'm only going to one of those places. I'm attending Queer Collective. I plan to go by Publix on my way. I'm considering going to Rita's ice.

I've started to message with a guy on the app I've been using.

I'm attending the Queer Game Night tomorrow evening.

I'm uncertain about everything. I doubt anyone will ever hire me.

My hope is that things will improve for me soon. I hope to meet my first boyfriend and life partner soon...

Thursday, April 17, 2025

I picked up some produce yesterday. I attended Transfusion yesterday evening. On my way there I went by Rita's ice for a free Gelati.

I did my laundry today.

I have plans tomorrow and Saturday.

Two packages arrived yesterday.

I'm reading a book I checked out from the library in my community. Ander & Santi Were Here. I'm watching Euphoria again.

I'm still figuring things out. I'm single and ready for a LTR.

I want to make movies and shows for streaming...

Wednesday, April 16, 2025

I had my meeting with Able SC yesterday. I attended the coloring program at the library in my community. I went to 711 twice and had a free Slurpee each time.

I'm planning to do some job searching this morning. I plan to add job searching to my daily routine.

I'm going after some produce today.

I plan to attend a program at the center this evening.

I want my first boyfriend and my first career. I need my own place to live.

I'm very self conscious about my body and myself. I'm uncertain about everything. I doubt myself.

I'm looking for a way to do stand-up comedy and improv. I'm looking for ways to utilize my writing and photography and video. I want to edit video.

I'm open to moving to and living almost anywhere.

I posted a video on my TikTok yesterday showing some of my favorite shorts utilizing several different videos. When I made and posted it I hadn't realized that I was rubbing my dick through my shorts in one of the videos.

My social is: Jason29171

I've already completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I'm hoping to get more done today...

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

I have a meeting with Able SC today. I'm planning to go to the coloring program at the library in my community this evening.

I worked on my next zine some this morning. I don't know when I'll finish it.

I'm feeling tired. I went to sleep late last night and I woke up several times.

I don't feel like doing much today and I want to get something done as well.

I believe the "dating app" I'm currently using is a waste of time. I think all of the dating apps are a waste of time. Apparently I'm doomed to be forever single.

I guess today is mid month April and I've already thought it was already May a few times...

Monday, April 14, 2025

I had to walk to the center yesterday because my bicycle had a flat tire. I found a few items. I was able to find a ride to the library in the town across the river from my community from the center. I attended the zine program. I was able to get a ride home. I was very tired after everything yesterday. I decided not to go anywhere today.

I have plans for tomorrow.

I don't know what I'm doing today. I'm going to work on my next zine.

My bicycle tire has been fixed...

Sunday, April 13, 2025

Be

Fingers extended,

Hands wave,

Does the day

Ever end.

I'm not yours to be

Whatever you think I should be...

Found

Seconds to time,

News on my social feed,

Scrolling through the waiting

I found you while not looking for anything.

Me

I started out innocent

Now I'm indifferent,

I'm waiting for changes.

I'm not ordinary,

Don't call me special,

I'm just me trying to figure out

What being me means.

Sunday, April 13, 2025

I'm sometimes adventurous and carefree. Have you seen my penis? I've posted videos of it on my Twitter. I'm not ashamed of my dick. I'd probably let you see it in person if you were to ask me in the right way.

In the past I would have said that I'm religious but now I'm uncertain if that would be the word to describe myself. I believe.

I'm going to the Queer pop up clothing this morning. Afterwards I'm going to the library in the town across the river from my community.

I'm open to having a boyfriend. He would be my first boyfriend. I don't believe that there's a guy out there who is attracted to me.

I woke up early and completed all of my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I also played Minecraft.

I've been here this many days watching the weather change,

The clouds are vanishing and reappearing,

The rain pours after the fog dissappears,

I'm still the same as when I first began.

Saturday, April 12, 2025

It's early on another Saturday morning. I've completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I'm going to sleep more before getting up.

I'm going to the museum near the town across the river from my community today. On my way home I'll go by and pick up a free lunch.

Yesterday I attended the Autism program at the library in the town across the river from my community. I was able to go early and pick up information from the social worker about possible housing. I also picked up information on obtaining a free state ID.

I brought 2 of my laptops thinking I would get them fixed while at the library but the person didn't know how to fix them.

I went to a program about the Titanic at the library in my community. The food was good. Sam was there. It was great seeing him. I'm looking forward to the next D&D program at the library in my community which is happening at the end of this month.

Tomorrow I'm going to the clothing pop up and a zine program.

I was told about a program at another library next month. A LGBTQ making friends program. I'm excited about it.

I'm still uncertain about what will happen next...

Friday, April 11, 2025

The place where I would have went this morning for free produce is no longer giving out free produce due to budget cuts made by Trump.

I'm going to the Autism program at the library in the town across the river from my community. I'm planning to go early to talk to a social worker. I'm taking 2 of my laptops with me to have them fixed if possible.

I'm attending a program about the Titanic at the library in my community afterwards.

I was writing new poetry daily but I haven't had the energy for it these past few days.

I keep thinking about having my first boyfriend and my first career. I wonder how others are so easily able to find these things and I'm finding it impossible.

I'm self conscious about my body. I've been told that I've lost weight but I still feel ugly. It doesn't seem like anyone finds me attractive. I often wonder if my penis is a good size. I wonder if my cock is good enough.

I look back to the times I'd meet old men from the internet. I would sometimes look down as my dick was in their mouth. I don't remember what made me want to meet them. I don't think I sat down and planned to meet old men.

A couple of times I had an interview for jobs and I thought I had a chance but I was wrong.

I often look in the mirror and I don't see the person I see on the inside. I feel like I'm looking at a different person...

Thursday, April 10, 2025

I went to Bojangles yesterday for a free birthday item. I went to 711 to get a free slurpee but the machine wasn't working. I went to CVS and Food Lion. I prefer to go to Food Lion.

I have a meeting with Able this afternoon. I'm going several places each day tomorrow Saturday and Sunday.

I wonder if I'll ever have my first boyfriend and my first career. I feel like nothing is getting better.

Wednesday, April 9, 2025

Wednesday, April 09, 2025

Wednesday. I'm going to a few places today. I don't know all of the places because I could change my mind.

I have a meeting with Able at the library in my community tomorrow.

I have plans for Friday Saturday and Sunday.

I don't know what will happen next. I don't know what I'm doing or what to do...

It's Wednesday and I'm still single with no first boyfriend and no first career. I'm still worried about where I'll be living...

I have a few days ahead of me that will be very busy.

Tuesday, April 8, 2025

Tuesday, April 08, 2025

I'm going somewhere today.

I have a meeting Thursday. Friday and Saturday I'm going to several places. I have plans for Sunday. I'm going to be busy on Friday and Saturday.

It's early and I'm getting my daily routine finished so I can work on other things later today.

I often look back on the few times I met with guys my age. I wonder where they are now.

I don't know what I'm doing to do but I need to do something...

Monday, April 7, 2025

Monday, April 07, 2025

I went to the dinner yesterday. I didn't stay the entire time because I was anxious about the possibility of a thunderstorm. I'm glad that I left early since I made it home before dark.

I'm going somewhere tomorrow morning.

I applied to a program today that I believe could help me.

This weekend is going to be very busy for me.

Sunday, April 6, 2025

Sunday, April 06, 2025

I went to an Autism event and Queer Game Night yesterday.

This evening I'm planning to attend a dinner.

I thought that if I keep getting out and going to things that I would meet someone who would become my first boyfriend.

I received some strange messages on Insta from someone appearing to be a MAGMA cult member.

I'm uncertain what else I'll do today. I have plans for this week.

I need to work on some things this week.

Saturday, April 5, 2025

Saturday, April 05, 2025

It's Saturday and I have plans for today. I'm going to a program at 2 and then I will go to the Queer Game Night. I'm planning on going to the dinner tomorrow.

I have no idea what else I'm doing next week.

I often look back on the times when I would meet guys from the internet. Many of these guys were older men who'd suck my dick. There were some who were my age. There were a few who I was attracted to and I'd been open to a relationship with if I had thought that a relationship was an option.

I have never had a boyfriend. I want my first boyfriend.

There are some things I need to get done but it's just overwhelming.

I don't know what I'm doing. I just drift through each day hoping that tomorrow will be better.

Friday, April 4, 2025

Friday, April 04, 2025

I went to Lowes this morning for a free reward through the rewards program. I received a small Lowes bucket with a dog plush and 2 pins.

I went to Aldis tu utilize the gift card that I won. I bought 2 sets of food storage containers.

I'm going to 2 places tomorrow. I hope that the weather will be nice tomorrow and Sunday.

I'm expecting a Squishmallow and an old cartoon on DVD to be delivered today.

It's warm and I'm trying to work towards organizing my stuff...

Thursday, April 3, 2025

Thursday, August 03, 2025

I was considering going to a program at the library in my community this morning but I was too tired from yesterday. I'm planning to go somewhere tomorrow morning. Saturday is the Queer Game Night and another program somewhere else. Sunday is the dinner but I don't know if I'll be able to go because of the weather.

I'm tired. I need to go through my stuff and organize it and downsize.

I'm planning to have a monthly zine soon.

I have things to do but I'm too tired to do much of anything today...

Wednesday, April 2, 2025

Wednesday April 02, 2025

It's early on a Wednesday morning. I've completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games for the day including entry into the HGTV giveaway for a house in Texas. I'm awake early today because I'm going to the Autism program I attended last year. I'm up early because I have a ride to the event.

I know that certain changes in my life are going to happen but I don't know how to deal with them.

I don't think anyone reads my blogs.

I want my first boyfriend soon but I don't see that happening. I want and need to find my first career but I'd have better odds of winning the lottery without buying a lottery ticket.

I'm here in bed wondering what today will be like. I'm wondering what will happen next...

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Tuesday April 01, 2025

I had breakfast at Dunkin today. I'll post on my social videos of what I had including a free cold brew.

I'm feeling tired. Tomorrow is going to be a long day with the Autism program. I will leave early in the morning.

Saturday is the Queer Game Night.