I'm sitting here watching The American Housewife. I'm watching it again.
I'm tired. I attended the trans longue support group last night. It's through the Los Angeles LGBTQ center and it is every Friday night.
I keep thinking about past moments while trying to avoid triggering moments.
I imagine being back in California. It's been so long. I know things won't be exactly like they were when I was there before but there's no place that would be like things were before.
I thought about the idea of moving back to the Columbia area but things would not be the way they were before. I lived down there for years and if I lived there again nothing would change.
I want to live somewhere familiar with the potential for change. I need familiar but I also need the possibility for something completely different.
I'm tired of being stuck. I've felt stuck these past few years. I miss my old routine. The only way to move forward is to move back to California and establish a new routine.
I feel like going back to bed. I also want to exercise today.
I need to work on my writing. I need a new laptop since my computer stuff has been stolen.
I'm tired of being here alone all day.
I don't know many people here and I rarely see those I do know. There's no place to go here. There's nothing to do here. This place is depressing and suffocating.
I need to focus on the few things I can do while here.
I'm waiting for my benefits. I'm waiting.
I hope and pray that my move back to California will happen soon...
